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Editors --- "'Sit Down Girlie'" [2003] AltLawJl 44; (2003) 28(3) Alternative Law Journal 149


Penis envy

Kerry Cue (Herald-Sun, 27/5/03) re­ ports that scientists at the Children's Hospital in Boston, Massachusetts have used tissue-engineering techniques to grow a prototype rabbit penis. They plan to grow 'a fully functioning rabbit penis in the near future, which must be great news for sexually dysfunctioning rabbits'. The number of rabbits chewing up the plants on Girlie’s farm despite all attempts to annihilate them with poison, clubs and viruses seems to indicate there are not a lot of sexually dysfunctional rabbits about. The plan, however, is eventually to grow human penises which could, amongst other things, be used for cosmetic purposes.

Kerry Cue speculates about the possibility of homegrown penises but predicts little popularity for bonsai or dwarf varieties. She has been scanning the web and has found some truly horrific devices for sale including penis­ stretching machines which 'highlight the lengths some men will go to get that Wonder Willie'. She also suggests scientists might like to turn their skills to developing a human brain that actually works.

The new research might also bring to fruition an idea of the late Spike Milligan who once speculated about what life might be like if men had their sexual appendages on the tips of their index fingers and women theirs on their shoulders. That way, he conjectured, sexual enjoyment could be had while inquiring about the bus timetable.

While Girlie acknowledges the painful consequences of being stuck with an abnormal appendage or a micro

penis the thought of penis transplants is somewhat unnerving. Penis lengthening operations on 'normal' men have become popular in recent years. There are several techniques for lengthening and thickening Willies. One is to snip the tendon behind the pubic bone so the penis looks longer but the owner loses control over movement. Could be difficult during all kinds of manoeuvres including micturition.

'Her Royal Maj

Speaking of micturition Girlie has to hand it to Queen Elizabeth the Second.

She sure is a stayer. Fifty years is a long time in any job, but fifty years on the throne! That's a lot of Royal 'We's'.

Sex after birth

There has been some interesting re­ search published recently about the impact of birth on marriages. First there

were reports that sex after birth can often never return to 'normal' (whatever that means) and now a study has found that baby sleeping problems that appear to disappear at 12 months can recur during pre-school years. Apparently 78% of three year olds disturb their parent's sleep at least once a night. The research was conducted by Dr Pei-Yooong Lam of the Royal Children's Hospital in Melbourne and is great news for anyone planning to start a family.

Other research from the same Hospital conducted by Alissa Lim indicates that Australian parents are over-medicating their children. Her study of 1534 parents of primary students at government schools found that 62% had used some medication in the preceding fortnight and, of those, 14% had used at least four different medications. Most of the medications were over the counter or alternative medications.

Deep in the heart of Texas

In the United States there have been a worrying number of new laws making it even more difficult for women seeking abortions. In Texas legislation has recently been passed which obliges doctors to warn women that an abortion may lead to breast cancer. It obliges women to go through a 24 hour 'reflection' period during which doctors must show the women pictures of foetuses, advise them of adoption procedures and warn that abortion can lead to breast cancer. Cancer experts in Australia and elsewhere have denied there is any link between abortion and breast cancer.

No blokes

The Victorian Civil and Administrative Tribunal has granted exclusion to the owners of the Brunswick City Baths to allow women only sessions. The sessions will be outside usual operating hours from 8.30 am to 10.30 am on Sundays. It was a decade ago that the Equal Opportunity Commission was approached to allow two women only sessions a week causing a male backlash. The decision is particularly important to the large number of Muslim women who live in the

Gets your pants off women!

What is the cause of all the problems in the world today? Women, of course. Or to be more specific trouser wearing-women. According to the 'Odd Spot' in The Age (30/6/03) the monarch of Swaziland believes women who wear trousers or their husband's clothes are cursed by God and that is why the world is in the state it is today. So, come on, get out of those daks all you Jacks and make the world a better place.

Vale lisa-Jane Solomon

In May 2003 feminist, civil libertarian and fine woman, Lisa-Jane Solomon died of cancer. She was born on 22 October 1950. An activist, feminist and in­ credibly hard worker, among her many achievements was her coordination of a challenge to the Catholic Bishops who, under the auspices of the Federal Attorney-General appealed to the High Court against a decision of the Federal Court which would have allowed single women access to IVF treatment. The appeal succeeded but involved an enormous effort on Lisa-Jane's part with the assistance of many lawyers and civil rights activists. Goodbye to a great Australian.

Rita Wrong

Rita is a Feminist lawyer

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